Today we're talking about KINDNESS. It is truly a gift that keeps on giving and has the capability to completely change your outlook of life, both personal and in business.

My experiences in my recent vacation to Tennessee really got me thinking more about the full brain process with a change of scenery.

[TL;DR]

“… I want you to realize that putting the negativity into that sentence make you the victim. Makes it seem like oh my god, I have so many more miles before I'm done. Oh my god, oh my god, this oh my god, that all of these obstacles I have to overcome. Oh my god, okay.

Instead, I encourage you to look back and think, wow, look at how far I've come.

Look at how many miles I've tracked to get where I am right now. Look at all the obstacles that I faced, and that I worked through, and then I passed to get to where I am now.”

Jessi Cabanin  00:04

Hey girl, Hey, are you ready for some real talk? If you are a female entrepreneur who has ever felt like a total failure, or maybe even a frequent flyer of imposter syndrome, this podcast is for you. I'm your host, Jessi, a millennial business owner, boy mom and creative genius helping women bring their business dreams to life. After 10 years of building numerous creative brands from the ground up, I'm ready to get real about what actually goes on behind the scenes of building your very own empire failure opened up brand new mindset for me. And I really want that for you too, because honestly, I am just so over society's definition of what it means to live a successful life. So together, we are going to create and navigate a version of success that works for you. Together, we can redefine fabulous.

Jessi Cabanin  00:52

Hey babe, happy Friday. Welcome to another episode of redefining fabulous. So today's episode is a little bit more on a personal level. So if you are not really interested in anything going on in my personal life, this might not be the episode for you. But there is a lesson to the story, I promise. Today's episode is talking about a recent vacation that I took and the gift I received while I was on this vacation and how I am still reeling from this gift. And spoiler alert, it was free. If you are looking for a free mindset shift different look at life, this episode might be for you. So without further ado, let's dive in.

Jessi Cabanin  01:36

So I just got back from vacation, which you know, vacation can be a total double edged sword as a business owner because you know, you are so burnt out and so ready to like leave everything and just like go do anything else. But at the same time when you're there and you're trying to do you know anything else, you can't stop thinking about work. It's really hard. I know that you have the same problem to Natoma, you don't. Whether it's a small scale or large scale, I don't care. Maybe you have under better control than I do. But you absolutely still have this trait as a business owner. Anyway. So I went on vacation recently, with my boyfriend and his family. They actually just bought some property down in Dandridge, Tennessee, right on Lake Douglas. It's a gorgeous place, we went and walked the lot that they bought. And they told us all about the plans that they have for building the house. It was super awesome.

Jessi Cabanin  02:34

But the main thing I want to talk to you about today about this vacation is that something I realized while I was down there was that my mood overall was like way better, like way higher. Now, there are a couple things that will attest to that. Right. So one thing was obviously then I wasn't in my office anymore. Okay, no matter how clean and tidy, which my office is not. But even if you have the most amazing workspace, it gets old, it gets tired, it gets just it gets boring, right. And sometimes you need to get out and have a different like, just different vibe.

Jessi Cabanin  03:12

So down in Tennessee, things are way different. Okay, now I know that some of you guys are listening from maybe you live further in the South. I know a lot of you live up in the Chicagoland area near me, but the South is so different you guys. And I knew this is not like this was the first time I've been to the south. But I would say this is the first time I've been down there as an adult to really appreciate, like the details. So people are just really nice on their noses. Like, really, I don't want this to come off wrong. Like everyone sucks here. But people are just so nice down there. People wave at you, when you pass them in the car. People say hi to you, when you pass them at the grocery store. People comment on your outfit or your hair or your makeup or whatever it is people are just so nice. And I found myself you know, in certain instances being like, God, why is she so nice? Like, it's kind of annoying how nice she is right? But then I got to thinking and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna like flip that mindset for a second and I'm gonna say Wow, she's really nice. And it's a breath of fresh air. Right?

Jessi Cabanin  04:25

And so after that I just sort of felt this like, uplifted-ness. I don't even know if that's a word, but like this, I just felt like I was floating a little bit in this like happiness cloud this like I started smiling to people and I don't know, if you guys know me in real life. You know, I have a little bit of resting bitchface that's cool. I'm okay. I'm gonna own that. That's fine. Okay, I am okay with that. But I found myself smiling at people and commenting on people's outfits and makeup and complimenting them and it was just Is this like, almost out of body experience anyway, but it really just sort of made me realize that, you know, kindness is kind of like the gift that keeps on giving. Right. So not only was I like happier on this trip, but the small amounts of time that I did take to do some work and to go through some, like emergent emails, I was like, so much more productive, because my brain was just like, in a different place.

Jessi Cabanin  05:25

It's very, very hard to put into words, but being kind to another person is totally free. Okay, it is free 99 It is unlimited quantity, okay, we don't have to worry about inventory issues with if you are any type of retail entrepreneur, you understand my pain, with inventory issues, but like, kindness is free, it's unlimited inventory, and it is painless. Now, when you are someone who's not necessarily, maybe you don't come from an area where people are as openly nice, and you feel like it's painful to be openly Nice. Go to a place like this out, and you will be surrounded by people who are just so freaking nice that it is so hard not to be nice back.

Jessi Cabanin  06:10

And so what I also realized was that the happiness is contagious, okay, it's contagious for your mind, for your body. For your soul, it's contagious to the people who you surround yourself with. It's, it's contagious, to the people who you're on vacation with. It's contagious to the people you work with. It's contagious, and it's free.

Jessi Cabanin  06:31

There is a lot of bullshit in the world right now, there's a lot of negativity, there's just a lot of crap going on right now. And I acknowledge that I by no means am trying to like push it aside, like, it doesn't matter. A lot of these things absolutely matter. And they need to be talked about. However, when it comes to my own personal health, and my own mental health, I am not going to choose to spend my time my extra time, my, quote, extra time, because there really isn't any but like, I am not I'm choosing I am choosing not to spend my extra time dwelling in the negativity. Okay, so someone, one of my friends recently also posted on Instagram. And it was just a story of how, you know, she was sitting down to enjoy her coffee was watching the news. And literally felt like her soul was being like, just torn out of her while she's watching all of this. And then and then she realized, like, that is my cue to walk away. Okay. And that spoke to me, because that was that's something that that weighs on all of us. I think, when it comes to just world events, when it comes to people, maybe criticizing your business or your work, or whatever it is, it does not have to be a massive scale for it to matter.

Jessi Cabanin  07:42

Okay, but making the choice to walk away, making the choice to protect your peace and your happiness. That's a choice. That's a choice I encourage you to make on a daily basis. Okay? Don't forget that happiness is contagious, not only for those around you, but for you as well.

Jessi Cabanin  08:06

Okay, so I literally just got back from a walk. I'm sweating back here, thank God, you can't see me but I have not ran in a little over a year, I have a lot of things going on my body is basically broken. My collegiate volleyball years have now left my adult years, feeling like I'm twice my age. But so I have not been able to really do a lot of vigorous exercise in the last year it has weighed on me, very, very much is weighed on my mental health, my physical health. And yes, it's even poured into my work life. Okay, now, something I want to say really quick, just to like, get it off my chest. I listened to a good amount of podcasts, I'm very picky about the podcasts that I listen to. But something that I noticed about the podcasts that I've listened to the most are the ones who are sort of like bringing you along for the ride and speaking to you in real time, versus people who are, you know, recording something that might had that they went through maybe two or three years ago. And now they're going to coach me on how to get through that part of my life. Now, don't get me wrong, this stuff is super helpful. But for me, right now, where I am in my business in my life, I can relate more to the podcast who are actually talking about things that they're going through right now. And sort of like you sort of giving you like a behind the scenes look at what it is to go through that and how they're overcoming it. Okay.

Jessi Cabanin  09:37

And you know, since I have that really helpful resource, I want to sort of be that resource for you as well if I can.

Jessi Cabanin  09:45

So during my morning scroll Fest on Instagram while I'm in bed before I even put my feet on the ground. I know I know. I know. I was just scrolling through and one of my friends posting about someone else's TED Talk back. And I was like, dang, you know, I was looking for something to listen to this is perfect, you know. So I listened to it, I went for a walk, and I turned it on. And it was an amazing TED talk about sending the email. It was long story short, it was all about, you know, taking chances, because you never know what might come out of it, right. And she's actually a runner. And so she was like talking about running the Boston Marathon. And all of a sudden, I just, like, kind of started running. It was a very uplifting conversation, it was very relatable. And all of a sudden, I was like, I'm just gonna try to start jogging, okay, now, nobody told me therapists because I'm seriously not supposed to be running right now. But I had this just like, I don't know what came over me. And I was like, I'm gonna try. So I started jogging a little bit. And so when her TED talk was over, I wasn't home yet. I was kind of close. But I decided to tell myself, you know what, find it another podcast episode, and listen to it, you have a little bit more in you. Let's push this a little bit farther. Today, the sun is shining. Let's get a tan, right. So let's walk a little bit farther. So I decided to pop on another episode. And all of a sudden, I started running a little bit more. And then I would walk again, and I would run a little bit more.

Jessi Cabanin  11:11

And it was just, it was really eye opening, how much easier it felt to run to an empowering conversation than it was for me to run to music.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's a time and a place for music led fitness. I am normally a very, very music driven person, like, give me that beat. And I'm gonna live to it. Right. But for some reason, you know, I was listening to this conversation, and I just, I was wasn't thinking, you know, and I looking around, I was like, Oh my gosh, these people are probably like, why is she running like 20 feet, and then stopping to gasp for air? I mean, like, literally, it has been such a long time since I have gone running. But I didn't care. I thought about it for a second. I won't lie. I'm not gonna lie. I thought about for a second. I was like, Oh, my God, who is watching me. And you know, the landscapers are out there. And I'm just like, Oh, my God, like people. But then I just decided I didn't care. I didn't care. Today, I decided I did not care if someone was watching, or what they thought. In fact, the less I thought about anything, the more I ran.

Jessi Cabanin  12:25

So it made me think, you know, in life in personal life and business life, the more I think the more I overthink, the harder it is to do the freaking task. Okay. Do you feel me? Do you like, do you agree? Do you feel like you also struggle with this, because it's something I definitely struggle with, the more I think the harder things become. Right? So when I was in Tennessee, and I had just this feeling of, of just happiness and kindness, I thought less and I did more.

Okay, and it got me thinking about how much easier it is to look at how much farther you have to go to reach a goal. Say it's a run, say it's a monetary goal, say it's to get married and have kids, whatever that goal is, it is so much easier to look at how much farther you have to go than it is to realize and appreciate how far you have come.

Jessi Cabanin  13:25

Okay, I want you to listen to that again. Because I want you to realize that putting the negativity into that sentence makes it makes you the victim makes it seem like oh my god, I have so many more miles before I'm done. Oh my god, oh my god, this oh my god, that all of these obstacles I have to overcome. Oh my god, okay. Instead, I encourage you to look back and think, wow, look at how far I've come. Look at how many miles I've tracked to get where I am right now. Look at all the obstacles that I faced, and that I worked through, and then I passed to get to where I am now. Okay, taking that first step to do anything towards a goal is half the battle. But when you take that first step, you can look back and realize that there was way more than one step to where you got today. There was like a million steps. But when you told yourself, I'm taking that first step like the first official step, you're halfway there. Now, all you have to do is look back and realize and appreciate how far and how many obstacles you've overcome to get where you are right now. Now, don't get me wrong, moving forward, continuing to go towards your goal. You may still have a long way to go and it's not going to be easy. But if you can look back and realize that none of the things that got you to where you are now were easy. It becomes a little bit less of a burden and I right?

Jessi Cabanin  15:01

Okay. And instead of thinking about what could go wrong when you make a decision, okay? This is like human nature or I'm just like a total weirdo, but like, I have a very, very big tendency to automate into all the things that could go wrong. Okay? Some people will call me a pessimist. I like to think of myself as a realist, probably somewhere in the middle, I'm okay with that, I will own that. But I can acknowledge that my brain goes to that place.

And I can choose to change the way that I see something. Okay, so instead of thinking about what could go wrong, I make a physical list of everything that could go right. Okay, there are there might be 10 things that could go wrong. But if, but I bet you I can also find 10 things that could go right? Isn't it worth taking that chance?

Jessi Cabanin  15:58

Looking back in my career, and all of the aspects that I have worked in, in all the industries, either way more success, pursuing things that I was unsure about. Okay, so I like to think about all the things that could go wrong, so that I can, you know, like, make it perfect and avoid all those things that go wrong. But Newsflash, the things that I thought so long and so hard about and put so much time and effort into being so sure about it, most of those things flopped. Most of those things failed. Okay, more, the things that I found success in… the things I grew successfully, were things I threw darts at. It was literally things that I was like, I had this idea, I'm gonna throw the dart, I'm gonna see what happens.” Those are the times that I found success. Those are the times that I found maybe monetary success, personal success, growth.

I found way more in pursuing the things I was afraid of, or the things I wasn't sure about, that I have with the things that I thought I had it all figured out.

Okay, so all comes back to the less I think, the more I do. And the things that make me think less, are things like kindness and happiness, and just a general appreciation for life and the people around you.

Jessi Cabanin  17:32

So no matter where you are in your life, maybe you are also in recovery in therapy and trying to get get back into running. Or maybe you had an injury and you're trying to get back into the gym. Maybe you are trying to leave your corporate job to start your own business to follow your dreams,

what ever it is that you are doing right now or that you are thinking about, right now. Take that first step, take a step.

Even if you are not sure that the ground is steady, take this step that you're afraid of take this step that's scary, because the scary stuff is the stuff that we grow from the scary stuff is the stuff that we likely fail at. But we learn from it and we come back stronger from it.

Jessi Cabanin  18:24

So whatever it is that you are thinking about today, or tomorrow, whatever goal you are working towards, tell somebody ask about their dreams. Have a kind of an open and honest conversation about life. And your mood will change and you will think less and you will do more. So get out there and do it. I'm rooting for you. You've totally got this girl.

Jessi Cabanin  18:57

All right, babe. I hope you really enjoy today's conversation. I'm super curious to know what your biggest takeaway was from today. So go ahead and share this episode on social media. Make sure you tag me at this way to fabulous and let me know what you connected with. What did you learn from the episode and what action item are you going to take today?

Until next time babe, keep pushing, keep dreaming, and let's keep on redefining fabulous. Chat soon guys.