Today we are chatting about comfort zones and the never ending rabbit hole of comparison.

If you ever find yourself wishing for what someone else has, or feeling “stuck” in your life or business, this episode is for you.

[TL;DR]

“I think the reality of comparison is that it feels uncomfortable to change, like it feels uncomfortable to even imagine for like a one second, that, you know, like an exciting part of someone else's life could absolutely be part of yours as well. So like I think it's so much easier to look at someone else's life or business and find things that you don't have than it is to realize that that person likely feels the same way. You know, it's this constant cycle of wanting what we don't have instead of just settling into what we're given, and making the most out of it.”

Jessi Cabanin  00:04

Hey girl Hey, are you ready for some real talk? If you are a female entrepreneur who has ever felt like a total failure or maybe even a frequent flyer of imposter syndrome, this podcast is for you. I'm your host Jessi, a millennial business owner, boy mom and creative genius helping women bring their business dreams to life. After 10 years of building numerous creative brands from the ground up, I'm ready to get real about what actually goes on behind the scenes of building your very own empire failure opened up brand new mindset for me and I really want that for you too, because honestly, I am just so over society's definition of what it means to live a successful life. So together, we are going to create and navigate a version of success that works for you. Together, we can redefine fabulous.

Jessi Cabanin  00:51

Girl I am so excited that you are here. Today's episode is going to be uncomfortable, but I promise in a good way okay. So today we are talking about comfort zones, as well as the rabbit hole of comparison. Okay, so we are going to talk about how being uncomfortable is actually way better than dwelling in like the zone of being comfortable all the time. Okay, so hold on to your hats and come onto this uncomfortable journey with me. All right. Without further ado, let's dive in.

Jessi Cabanin  01:26

Okay, so something has been weighing on my mind lately, and I have had a lot of fellow business owners and friends and coaching clients telling me that they're feeling this way too. So I want to know if this is something that maybe you aren't feeling too.

Jessi Cabanin  01:40

But do you ever find yourself like in a slump, where everything that you have feels worthless, and all you want is like everything else that someone else has? Okay, so this is what I call the comparison rabbit hole. And trust me when I tell you, this is an absolute struggle for me. Like if you are out there telling me oh, I never feel that way. Like I kind of want to call your bluff. Like, I think you're lying.

Jessi Cabanin  02:06

But for me, I think a lot of it comes down to a few things. Okay, one being comparison to others, another being just overall self worth, and comparison to like a past version of yourself. And third is this picture that society and social media has kind of painted of like, what you should have or where you should be at a certain time in your life.

Jessi Cabanin  02:30

I mean, how often do you find yourself like, feeling a little less than okay, I mean, Hi, I am that mom, in sweats all the time. I'm at home, I look a hot mess. And all I see is pictures of fancy moms and fancy kids on their fancy vacations. And I just think to myself, Oh, my gosh, like I am such a scrub like, what does my child even think of me for the fact that like, this is kind of our life. Like, I start to think to myself, like I shouldn't be out there dressing my kid up and, you know, taking him on fancy vacations. Well guess what guys? I'm not but I'm also not a scrub. I'm not less than I'm just a mom who owns a business and ominous specific season of life and business. And I'm doing the very best I can every damn day. And you know what, there's nothing wrong with the fancy moms and the fancy kids and the fancy vacations. They are in a different chapter of life. Comparing my life to theirs is like moot. It's a moot point because we are in different chapters. Okay, so comparison is just dislike crazy thing because nothing is ever apples to apples. Every single one of us are humans. And we are different puzzles, like built with different pieces. And so many factors are a play you guys like, there are so many silent silent things.

Jessi Cabanin  03:50

And you know what, most of the time, the people who you are maybe watching and you're saying like, Oh gosh, I wish I had what they had, guess what? They think the same thing about you or someone else. None of us are perfectly content with what we have. That's just part of like human nature, I think.

Jessi Cabanin  04:07

But like can we just stop? Can we just stop focusing so much on other people and like spend the extra time focusing on ourselves, okay, and on top of that, we can focus on our present selves, okay, not the past the past person, the past version of you made mistakes we all do. Like it's time to like, own up to those mistakes, own those mistakes, okay, but how can we take those mistakes and learn from them and turn our future selves into something that we want it to be?

Jessi Cabanin  04:38

Okay, so a little backstory that I wanted to share and honestly, I was a little hesitant because I don't want to really like come across like a hypocrite. But here we are. And being honest and transparent about my journey and the chapters of life that I'm in is something that's really important to me in this podcast.

Jessi Cabanin  04:56

Okay, so if you do not know me at this point, I was a wedding photographer for 10 years, okay, I also at the same time owned a luxury stationery brand. And I was running these two businesses alongside each other. I successfully lived a professional life in the wedding industry for 10 years. And I was in a zone I was in a comfort zone, I was comfortable with what I was shooting, I could feel a certain level of passion for like what I was doing, start to drift away slowly, though. And so I felt comfortable being able to get up each day and do my job. But it wasn't something that was really fulfilling to me anymore. Okay. But the idea of trying something new of shooting, like something else, it felt very scary. And at that time, I was still like, probably two years before I actually retired from weddings, I was starting to get a lot of inquiries for headshots and more corporate work. And you know, I just could not wrap my head around it, it felt very scary. It felt like I was going back on the promise I made myself after college, that I was going to work my ass off. And I was never going to work for someone else. Because I was going to take control over my own life, my own business. And it kind of felt like I was cheating on myself in some sort of way. Because like, I wanted to change the way that I was doing things. I wanted to change that future goal, you know.

Jessi Cabanin  06:17

And looking back, I was also staying in the same industry because it's what everyone else was doing. Okay, I was very much comparing myself to others in the industry, who were also just sticking in the industry. Okay. And at that point in time, there was also a lot of business coaches out there that were preaching to us that you you have to pick an industry you have to pick a talent and run with it. Okay. Like coaches would tell us don't do a lot of things just good enough, do one thing really well. Okay. And while I understand that, that works for many people, that was not the goal. That was not a moment for me, that was not my destiny. And I followed that for so long without even realizing that I had felt like I had to because it was what somebody else was saying was right.

Jessi Cabanin  07:06

Okay. So, at that point in time, headshots was something that I said I would never do. Okay, so like, embarrassingly enough, I always kind of thought, like, there's no money there. There's no story. Like how, how boring? No, thank you, you know, in the wedding industry, everything's about the love story. Everything clicks, like goes together, you know, and boy, was I wrong. Okay, so you get to write your story, I just get to help you bring it to life visually. Okay, so we then tell your story together in a really, really powerful, powerful way.

Jessi Cabanin  07:39

And you guys, I cannot even begin to think about where I would be today if I had not crossed paths with so many of the women that I've worked with and had the pleasure of photographing, like, not only did we bring their story to life, but you guys, they brought mine to life. Okay, that was a huge, huge pivotal moment for me and the understanding of it, they taught me that change is good, that being uncomfortable is great thing because it's how we push ourselves and how we grow and ultimately find so much clarity in you know, what we want to do and what we want to achieve. And that applies to both business and life.

Jessi Cabanin  08:17

Okay, so here's what I think. I think the reality of comparison is that it feels uncomfortable to change, like it feels uncomfortable to even imagine for like a one second, that, you know, like an exciting part of someone else's life could absolutely be part of yours as well. So like I think it's so much easier to look at someone else's life or business and find things that you don't have than it is to realize that that person likely feels the same way. You know, it's this constant cycle of wanting what we don't have instead of just settling into what we're given, and making the most out of it.

Jessi Cabanin  08:57

I am not saying don't dream, baby dream dream big dream scary dream often uncomfortable. But stop wasting so much time creating your dreams based off of someone else. Stop comparing your dreams to others Stop stop making your dream smaller. Just because somebody else's are different. Okay, start spending time really digging deeper into what it is that you want make goals to get there and girls shut up and just do the damn thing. So next time you find yourself in a position where you're like, damn, I wish I had that. Well girl, get off your ass and go get it. work your ass off make it a reality it is up to no one, but you.

Jessi Cabanin  09:46

Alright babe, I hope you really enjoyed today's conversation. I am super curious to know what your biggest takeaway was from today. So go ahead and share this episode on social media. Be sure to tag me at this point of fabulous and let me know What you connected with what did you learn from this episode and what action item are you going to take today?

Until next time babe, keep pushing, keep dreaming, and let's keep on redefining fabulous. Chat soon guys.